Drink

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! "This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

Vol2

Angel

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: u take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.
"The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Vol1

Elephant

A group of elephants were sitting on the street. A smart
female elephant passes by. What does the loafer elephant say?

Wow............3600-2400-3600.

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Dont step on the Ducks!

Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah,was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".

"Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her."Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slidedown the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUTDON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish duckshere".

So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OOPS!She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous manpops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her lifewith him.

Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her thesame thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on theducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on aduck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with augly, hideous man.

The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet God and he tells herthe same thing. "DON'T STEP on the ducks".

Finally, a few weeks lateer, Olivia and Sarah are with theirugly men and they run into Jenn. And Jenn is with the mostgorgeous guy that anyone has ever seen.

"How did you get so lucky and get such a hot guy"? Sarah askedher.
And the gorgeous guy looks up and says "I stepped on a Duck"!

Father

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heardhis son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma.Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but wasglad his son was praying. The next morning, they foundGrandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. Thefather reassured himself that it was just acoincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "Godbless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait untilmorning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was onthe floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outsidehis son's door the next night. And sure enough, theboy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed upall night, and went to the doctor's early the next dayto make sure his health was fine. When he finally camehome, his wife was waiting on the porch.
She said,"Thank God you're here -- we could really use yourhelp! We found milkman dead on our porch thismorning!"

Want to lose weight

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gymguaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They leadhim into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars andladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying
"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking upspeed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, downthe ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comesthe management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sureenough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.
"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the doorwhen it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
"If I catch you, you're mine."